Start With The Human In The Mirror
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While I’ve been expecting my newborn son to arrive, I’ve been
paired up with a home nurse who comes to visit me every two
weeks. During our last session together we started to work on a
thing called a “Life History Calender.” I guess it’s kind of a way
for us to get to know each other better. But it really got me
thinking.
I almost didn’t want to partake in this activity because, the truth is,
there has been so much bad that’s taken place in my life. I’ve made
so manny errors and bad decisions. The story of my family and I is
so not perfect at all. I worried that my nurse would finally see that
I’m too flawed to be a good mom. But what parents aren’t flawed?
When I first started writing Desserts, I wanted to use it as a way to
chastise my parents for all the hurtful things that happened in my
life. I wanted to blame them for my trauma and lack of guidance.
But, ever since becoming pregnant, two realizations have made me
see why doing that would be all wrong.
1) Just because our parents are grown, does not mean that they
1) Just because our parents are grown, does not mean that they
aren’t still growing up. We are all just very imperfect human
beings
who are trying to guide our children in the right way while we
ourselves are still learning how to navigate life. Though I can try
my hardest to protect and guide my son in the right ways, as he
grows older he will see more and more that, just like everyone
else, I’m not perfect.
2) My family was dealt a bad hand in life a lot of the times, but my
parents always tried their best to show me and my siblings love
and keep us safe. I would be lying if I said that I never made very
poor decisions in response to my situations, despite knowing
better.
I chose to lash out at my family and became too stubborn to follow
their guidance. Most of the things that hurt me the most in life
where caused by me, my actions.
How different my life would be right now if I'd only done
everything right, the way I knew I was supposed to.
Maybe the good part is that now I can learn from all the past errors
my parents and I made. Maybe this was all meant to make me a
better mom with a healthier mind.
And maybe I wouldn’t have learned all that I know now if I’d done
everything right.